As you've read from my previous post about stillbirth, I've lost a baby. With Maya's pregnancy I followed the rule. I waited and as soon as I hit that 12 week mark I shouted that I was expecting to everyone I knew. I got all the congrats and woohoos...then the complications started. From that point on I was surrounded with support. I was surrounded by people who understood why I was distant and maybe not quite myself. Being on bedrest was only manageable with an 18 month old because of the amazing women in my life.
As you know Maya's pregnancy ended with heartbreak. It took everything in me to get up everyday and face life without my baby. A baby that I already loved and adored. My life was flooded with kind words, acts of kindness, and prayers. I felt my support network lifting me up and helping me move forward.
A baby is a baby, no matter how small. I believe this with everything in me. This is why the 12 week rule just doesn't sit well with me. Miscarriage has been a taboo subject for way too long. I think this rule has a lot to do with it. It further ostracizes women who experience it. We will never learn how to support women who experience miscarriage if we can't acknowlegde a baby is important from the second it's conceived.
I am celebrating this baby today, tomorrow and everyday of this pregnancy. Maybe writing a blog the world can see isn't everyone's cup of tea. But I firmly believe that you should share your baby news with your close friends and family long before the 12 week mark. If anything were to happen you'll be so grateful to have their support - I promise you that.
Did you catch that??
That's right - Baby #4 is on it's way!!
9 comments:
Yes! What a beautifully written, and utterly true post. Congratulations Kristin. I am so excited for you, and will be praying for a healthy baby and mom.
Congratulations!! Wonderful news and a wonderful way to share it!
Congratulations!! What a fantastic way to share the news!
Congratulations ;)
And you are SO right. With my first baby I told everyone at 8 weeks because I had to quit my job due to dangers to the baby. Then when I got pregnant a 2nd time I miscarried at 8 1/2 weeks and had only told my parents. With the 3rd pregnancy I waited until 12 weeks.
But I totally see what you are saying. Without the support of my parents during the miscarriage I'm not sure how I would have made it.
Thank you for this great post!
Thank you for writing this post.. I experienced a miscarriage last week at 8 1/2 weeks, and loved the baby from the second I saw the two lines.. I hadn't told people because we were having trouble and I just couldn't talk about it. A few people know about the miscarriage, but it is just to fresh and raw to talk about now...
I agree that miscarriage is taboo and it shouldn't be. We need to talk to each other and share experiences and pain. It needs to be something that we can talk about so that the next woman to lose their baby doesn't feel so horribly alone!
First-congratulations!!
As for telling, I think it's good to tell your close family and friends whenever you are ready. I always told right away, but kept it quiet at work until 12 weeks or later. I lost a baby at 12 weeks and I was glad to have the support of my friends - well the ones who got that losing a baby at that stage could be devastating were supportive anyway. The one who told me to get depression meds two weeks after the m/c because I wasn't over it, kind of wished I hadn't told her anything. Ever.
Happy and healthy nine months to you :)
Congratulations! I agree 100% with every word you wrote. The support is so important. And yes, a baby is loved no matter how small.
Yay! Congratulations!
How very exciting for you and your family.
I totally agree with you - thanks for sharing.
I don't know you but stumbled across your blog... Needless to say this post made me cry. I recently lost a baby and am trying SO hard to conceive. SO happy for you and for spreading the news. I for one know that I loved having the network of people who knew. Congrats!
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