Walk to Remember: A Place Where My Baby Matters

We attended our first Walk to Remember just 3 months after losing Maya. It was difficult. It was sad. But more than anything it was healing. I walked beside families who knew my pain, who understood my sorrow. The walk provides a place to grieve, to smile, and to honour our babies. Each year they hold a teddy bear drive with a single goal in mind. To ensure parents who have lost a baby do not go home from the hospital with empty arms. They write the name of each and every baby in chalk to read as we walk.  There's just something about seeing your baby's name written for the world to see. Kate Inglis, fellow blogger and angel mama speaks every year, her words are always tender and sweet. The event ends with the name of each baby read aloud as families release balloons with hand written notes of love and loss. 

On this day every year, my baby matters, she matters not only to me but to every family walking with me.

Maya has changed me. I don't know who I'd be without her. I've felt more darkness and sorrow than I ever thought possible.  Yet the light that's touched me is undeniable.  I tend to think that this angel mama version of myself is the person I was meant to be. I have more compassion. I feel joy more deeply. I take less for granted. I hug my kids tighter.  I tell them I love them more often. I tickle more. I laugh more. 

My little girl would have been 4 years old this month.  I should have 4 years of giggles, hugs and memories. Although she is not here with as I walk my kids to the park, her spirit resides here, a part of our family. We speak her name often, think of her constantly and love her eternally.

Thank you Baby for making me darker, making me lighter, for making me love. 

-Kate Inglis