Parenting is hard. We're 4 years in and I am
no expert but I can tell you one thing. We struggled. The first six months of Isabella's life I wasn't sure if we'd make it through as a couple. The stress of having a baby was putting a huge strain on our relationship and we didn't see it coming. When our second baby was born we talked about what happened to 'us' the first time around and were both terrified, but thank goodness it was easier. My friends without kids (read: the ones with no bags under their eyes, money in their pockets and all the time in the world) always ask how we manage to keep it all together.
Here's what we've learned along the way:
1.
Housework is NOT worth fighting over. Stop keeping score. Understand that sometimes you'll do more than your share and sometimes he'll do more than his. Laundry is more a team sport now and our carpet sometimes just gets swept instead of vacuumed. Surrender to the fact that your house may never be as clean as it was when you had no kids. Don't expect a gold star and applause for sweeping a floor, just help each other out where you can.
2.
Stay on the same team. Whether you're trying to get out of the house to go grocery shopping or on vacation. Work together - you both have the same goal in mind but you might have different ways of getting there. (Husbands - if you see your wife running around like a chicken with her head cut off trying to find soothers, socks and mittens,
please, for the love of god, don't stand at the front door watching her. Jump in and help!)
3.
Don't expect big conversations with kids around. It can be almost impossible to even get through the "How was your day" discussion during supper with kids. Take this time to talk to the kids, not about the kids. Save the big conversations for naptime or when the kids aren't around, that brings me to my next tip!
4.
Prioritize couple time. It's not always easy to leave the house together alone but make time for each other in the evenings and on the weekends. Listen to your spouse, it can start to feel really isolating if your other half is too busy on facebook (or xbox) to listen for a few minutes.
5.
Tell the other person what they're doing right. It can be easy too fall into a habit of criticising each other (this one is especially for you mama's!) Who cares if he puts the diaper on backwards or picks the
one sleeper you'd never put the baby in. Think big picture here - he's being a dad, let him make his own mistakes; you'll make yours too and you'll rarely have someone peeking over your shoulder to check your work. Don't assume that your partner knows how you feel. I'll never forget the time I was nursing my baby for the third time one night and my husband woke up and looked at me and said "You're such a good mom". He probably barely remembers saying it, but it's something I'll never forget.
My biggest piece of advice is be kind to each other. Remember that it's the first time either of you has done this exhausting, frustrating and amazing thing that is parenting and it'll be easier if you lean on each other. Looking for more advice? Check out momstown.ca's
Secrets to a great marriage!
